part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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