Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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