why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
