YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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