rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
