just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
