I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
