Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.