Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love