Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes