I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
These 21 People Got Piercings And It Improved Their Sex Life
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.