if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
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I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Boobs are out for the taking
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The Olympian is in my bed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..