Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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