I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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