walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
