I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
