If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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