I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
