a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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