I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
