I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
