I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have aggressive nipples.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
