he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
