I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
