i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
