He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
