...so i touched it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
