We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
