I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
