Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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