I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
