Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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