and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
