I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
3pm strippers are depressing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
