So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
