People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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