apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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