You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
