So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
