She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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