His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
