i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
