We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
