Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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