piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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