She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
