im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
