and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize