You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
