Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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