we're blogging at a bar
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
