he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
