Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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