I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
