Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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