I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
