it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
