You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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