My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They took my balls.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
