I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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