the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
