I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
