I cockslap morals
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As shirtless as possible
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
