sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
