get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
