Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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