I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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