Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
