Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pants are for mortals
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
