This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
