We won't sleep together?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
