I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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