he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
