I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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