im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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