Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
