Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
