i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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